


i needed sunshine in the darkness burning out

by arachnistar



Series: when the dust settles [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/M, Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 21:44:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13303881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arachnistar/pseuds/arachnistar
Summary: Zombie apocalypses are not a good time for most things including gourmet cuisine, movie marathons with friends, and weddings. That doesn’t stop Jake from looking at Amy and thinking,I want to marry her.





	i needed sunshine in the darkness burning out

**Author's Note:**

> I started this over the summer, wrote ¾ of it before grad school applications took over my life, and finally had both the time and inspiration to finish this over the holidays. If you haven't, you should read the first zombie fic [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11018625) where Jake and Holt road trip back to New York from Florida through post-apocalyptic America. It's not necessary to enjoy this story, but it'll give you the full context. 
> 
> Title is from 'Wildfire' by Seafret which never fails to give me all the emotions. 
> 
> Also there's some violence and mentions of gore but nothing graphic.

Marriage is as dead an institution as any other, as legally meaningless as taxes and crushing debt in the post-apocalypse world. Jake knows that.

It doesn’t stop him from freezing in front of a jewelry store entranced by the glint of gold.

Jake’s walked by jewelry stores without a second glance before, but this time the light is just right and his eyes catch on something shiny and it’s over. His feet plant themselves to the ground, if he even has feet anymore, he might, he’d never know because his world has tunneled down so completely to what he now recognizes as a diamond-studded gold ring.   

He imagines Amy radiant in white walking down the aisle, standing by his side, beaming at him as they recite their vows and he breaks the glass. More than that, he imagines her wearing a ring on her finger every day, twisting it when she’s anxious, imagines calling her his wife, imagines her calling him her husband. His throat feels tight and his heart hammers away in his chest and he wants it more than anything.

Up ahead, Jake hears Rosa’s voice and then Charles’ answer. They haven’t stopped walking on account of some fantasy.

Marriage is dead as an institution and the sheer amount of planning and resources that go into a wedding are exorbitant in a world where things need to be rationed, but… Amy in white, Amy introducing him as her husband, matching rings on their fingers, he wants it. He wants all of it and now that the images are in his head – not that this is the first time he’s thought about it, he used to… in the time before, back when his fantasies involved more than just surviving – he can’t shake it.

Jake glances again at Charles and Rosa. He’ll be missed if he doesn’t catch up with them soon. But… He looks back through the window and makes a split-second decision.  

He darts into the store. The ring he first noticed is gold with large, chunky diamonds embedded in it. Beautiful but also too extravagant and unwieldy. Amy wouldn’t be able to wear something like it on a regular basis and it doesn’t fit her anyway.

His eyes skim over the other rings, discarding each option as he goes because none of them are right. He doesn’t know what the right ring will look like, silver or gold or platinum, what color the gemstones will be, but he knows he’ll recognize it when he gets to it.

As he approaches the end of the rows of rings, panic mounts in his gut. His fingers tap along the glass, rejecting ring after ring. Up until this moment he hasn’t realized how much he wants to marry Amy, but now, faced with the possibility that there may not be a ring, it’s suddenly impossible to imagine not having that future.

He knows he doesn’t need the perfect ring to do this, that love is enough, but there’s so much that their wedding will lack – if she says yes, if she doesn’t think marriage in the midst of a zombie apocalypse is the absolute worst timing and he’s crazy for suggesting it, if there’s a wedding at all – he needs to snap out of it, refocus on the ring and the conviction in the pit of his stomach – so much they won’t be able to find because the world doesn’t have bakeries that make triple-tiered cakes or florists that will arrange beautiful bouquets, that he just wants _something_ perfect. He’ll make the proposal perfect too, something that’s just for them, special, undisturbed by zombies or other people, he just needs this ring –

And then he sees it. It’s simple, silver with several diamonds glinting in the light. In another life, he would have blown several months’ salary on it. Now, when precious gems are worth nothing to anyone, he just has to break the glass with the butt of his gun and reach in.

Jake takes the ring and holds it reverently, the picture of the ring on Amy’s finger unshakeable from his mind.

He’s going to do it. He’s actually going to do it.

“Jake!”

Jake jumps at Charles’ voice cutting through the quiet air. Automatically one hand curls around the ring and the other reaches for his gun, instinct borne from too many surprise zombie attacks.

It takes a moment for him to realize there’s no gunfire. It takes another moment for him to uncurl his fingers from his gun, slip the ring into a box, and step outside.  

Charles and Rosa aren’t looking at him, Jake notes with relief. As giddy as he is over his decision, he doesn’t want to tell them right now. He wants this decision to be just his for a few moments. He slips the box into his pocket, pats it once in reassurance that it’s there and real, and then strolls towards them.

“I’m here.”

“Jake!”

“Where the hell did you disappear to?” Rosa snaps, the barest hints of concern audible underneath her harsh tone.

“Sorry about that,” Jake gives them a sheepish smile. And he is. He knows well enough what it feels like to lose sight of someone and worry about their fate. “I thought I saw some food and had to investigate.” 

Rosa snorts. “First rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse?”

“Cardio.”

“No.” Rosa rolls her eyes. “Stick together.”

“I knew that.”

“So what did you find?” Charles asks. “Because I have been searching high and low for kefir.”

“One, it turned out to be nothing, and two, I don’t even know what that is.”

“It’s a fermented milk drink.” Charles misses the faces Jake and Rosa pull, their noses and brows crinkling. “It’s used in a traditional Latvian dish, with herring and potatoes. Nikolaj loves it but he hasn’t had any since this all started. “

“Sorry, bud, haven’t seen it.” Jake pats his shoulder. “We’ll keep an eye out for it.”

“I know you will.” Charles smiles and then gets a dreamy look on his face, “If we find some goatskin bags, or even some goat hide, I can make my own.”

“Okay, cool, or we could not hang dead goats in the precinct and just find some bottles.”

And so they return to their scavenging mission, the ring shining bright with promise in Jake’s pocket and mind.   

\--

Much to Charles’ disappointment, they don’t find any kefir though they find a variety of other groceries.

They return to the station without much trouble and drop satchels full of food off with the woman currently watching the rations in the evidence room. The boxes that once housed case files and bags of evidence are long gone, replaced by shelves full of canned food, medicine, and ammunition, all of it meticulously organized by Amy’s system.

There are a few people who help out in the rations room on a rotating schedule and Sabiya is one of the best (Amy’s words, Jake doesn’t keep track of it). She used to work at the American Museum of Natural History, knows more about reptiles than Jake knew there was to know about them, prays five times a day, and loves cataloguing and organizing things almost as much as Amy. Maybe even more. Jake isn’t sure.

He also isn’t sure how Sabiya ended up at the precinct exactly, just that the others had found her in the early days of the apocalypse and invited her to join. No one likes talking about the beginning very much when everything fell apart and their lives all changed irrevocably. Too much loss and chaos.  

As Sabiya starts taking inventory of their finds, exclaiming in delight at the candy Jake insisted they take, Jake’s hand drifts down to his pocket to touch the velvet box. He’s done it about every five minutes since finding the ring, both as reassurance that it’s still there and as pure, giddy disbelief that this is his life. That this is even still possible.

She might say no –

But he’s not going to think that way. It won’t be the end of the world if she does, they’re already living the end of the world after all and he’ll understand; if he lets himself stop and think, he’ll start considering the practical reasons why marriage isn’t a good idea – which is laughable and foolish because how can it not be a good idea when he feels so giddy about it, when he’s practically been bouncing everywhere since finding the ring.

“That all?” Sabiya’s voice breaks through his reverie.

“What? Uh, yep, that’s it.” His fingers tap against the ring box in his pocket and he almost blurts out his plans right there. “See ya.”  

He finds Amy in the briefing room standing by a map of the borough, which is covered in neat marks indicating past scavenging trips and areas with high zombie concentrations. He doesn’t pay any attention to it though he notes her drawn brows and slight frown.  

“Hey Ames.”

She looks over and the frown is immediately replaced with a bright smile. Her arms reach and tug him closer by his jacket, their lips pressing together.

It’s not wholly unusual for them to greet each other like this, even though months have passed since his return from Florida. This time it’s less about reassurance and more about pure exuberance, his lips unable to stop from curving into a grin as he kisses her. He’s nearly bouncing on his toes when he pulls back and one of his hands lingers on her waist.

“Must have found something really good.” Amy notes, her voice a little breathy.

“Mm-hmm.” He hums and resists the urge to pat his pocket. She’ll notice, she always does. “We found chocolate. _And_ gummy bears.” At her raised brow, he grins. “It’s the simple things that make me happy.”

“Weirdo.” Her smile is fond though and he’s going to be her husband and he can’t stop himself from placing another kiss on her lips just for that thought.

Amy gives him a long, considering look and he responds with his best innocent face, which morphs into a ghastly display a second later, lips puckered and eyes wide and tongue poking just the bit out. She laughs, her body leaning into his, shoulders bumping, and he smiles, relaxes into the laughter along with her.

Once it’s trailed off, he remembers her earlier expression and points to the map. “Everything okay?”

She sighs and nods. “Nothing’s wrong exactly. I was just thinking about how much we need before winter sets in. Warm clothes, portable heaters, medicine... There’s a lot we need to get ready.”

“We’ll find it.”

“I know.” She grins then, that same type of smile she used to get organizing tabs in her binder, the smile when she gets to explain exactly how the plan is going to go and how each element will fall into place. He straightens to attention. She points at the map. “The closest pharmacy is here but there were some riots early on in the area and we’re not sure there’s much left. This one though,” she taps at another spot, further from the precinct, “might have what we need. We need to scout it out before we send a scavenging team.”

Hours later when he’s supposed to be sleeping, he can’t. It’s not for the usual reasons either; Amy is here in his arms, safe and sound, her hair tickling his face, and no one almost died today and there aren’t any massive shortages or problems to contend with. No, for once his insomnia is strictly due to his bubbling excitement, like the night before his first day at the Academy when he knew he was finally achieving his dreams. Even better than that night actually, he thinks as he looks at Amy, his future bright before him.

Part of him, the part of him that is all kinetic motion and energy, wants to wake her up right now, wants to murmur the words into her ear, wants to feel her smile against his lips. The rest of him wants, _needs_ , it to be perfect. In a world where so much has been irreparably torn to pieces, where death and rations have become the new order, this one thing can be perfect. He just has to figure out how.

Another smile overwhelms him and he buries his nose against her neck, pressing into warm skin, breathing in her familiar scent. Amy shifts in her sleep. He pauses, he doesn’t actually want to wake her up, she needs her sleep. After a beat where she doesn’t move any further, he presses his lips lightly to her pulse point, smiling when a sleepy hum answers him.

“Shh, sleep.” He whispers, the words soft against her skin.

“You sleep.” The words that come out of her are slightly garbled, thick with sleep, but recognizably defiant. They’re adorable enough that he almost drops his resolution to wait and asks her right then and there. The words poise themselves at the tip of his tongue, ready to rush out in a flood of emotion, but he presses his lips to Amy’s neck and suppresses them that way.

Amy hums again. One of her hands falls clumsily back to pat at him, landing on his thigh and then staying there as she rolls to fully face him. Her eyes are half-lidded, squinting at him in the darkness. “Jake?” 

_Will you marry me?_

His heart feels still, the world calm and comfortable and warm around them. He smiles. As much as he wants to ask right now, he’ll wait and do it right. He leans forward, dropping a small kiss on her nose. 

“I love you.”

“Love you too.”

\--

Jake tugs Amy along. He’s trying to be normal and mostly he’s succeeding, her giggles ring in his ears and he’s smiling like they’re fifteen and sneaking behind the bleachers to make out. Which, given how hard privacy is to come by in the crowded precinct, is exactly what they have to do sometimes.

But today isn’t normal and his hand is sweating, is possibly drenched on account of his nerves; he hopes she can’t tell but he can’t exactly ask or pull away his hand to check on that. Total mood-killer explaining that right there. So he just pulls her into the storage room, knowing it’ll be empty at this time.

Once the door shuts behind them, he turns to her, gets ready to launch into the speech he practiced in front of the bathroom mirror – he should have written it down, he swears it was different each time he practiced, and now that he’s here every single word has vanished from his limited vocabulary, there aren’t enough words in the English language to encapsulate all his feelings about Amy Santiago anyway, he’ll just wing it like he always does – and then her lips are on his, arm circling around his neck to pull him closer.

Jake forgets about rings and the insufficiencies of language because Amy is kissing him and there’s really only one way to respond to that. He kisses her back.

Her tongue slides along the crease of his lips and he opens his mouth, sinks himself in heat and sensation, in Amy’s hand on his cheek, in her pliant lips moving against his. It’s when he sucks on her bottom lip and she moans, rocks her hips against his, that he remembers.

He came here for a reason and that reason wasn’t just to make out with Amy.

Jake pulls back and when Amy chases after, he sets his hands on her arms and pushes just enough to get her to stop. She does, blinking at him with a small frown set on her face. Her pupils are blown wide, dark, and it’s almost enough to get him to kiss her again, to regret stopping in the first place, but he has something he needs to do first.

“Why’d you stop?”

His hand drops to his pocket where there’s a small box with a ring and a promise, and his chest expands with giddiness like there’s a helium balloon in there, attached to his heart, and he says, “Ames, I love you so much.” She’s still frowning at him, but the crease between her brows is gone and he can see the hints of a smile forming and it fills him with confidence. “And I – “ 

The door bangs open. They jump apart and Jake’s hand tightens on the box and then Charles is there.

Charles is there, moments before Jake planned to propose.

Jake wants to scream. He’s absolutely certain Charles would scream if he knew what he’d stumbled into.

As it is, Charles stares at the two of them, eyes darting back and forth and then his entire face lights up like it’s his birthday.

“Did you two come in here for some canoodling?” 

Jake and Amy groan in unison.

“You don’t have to stop on my account.” Charles gestures at the two of them.

Louder groans.  

“What do you want, Charles?” Jake asks because he’s just the slightest bit unhappy about his proposal being interrupted. Okay, actually, he’s a lot unhappy. He’s allowed to be.

“I’m just here to pick up some salt. Kitchen’s out and the lasagna needs it. You two keep going, I’ll just be over there.” Charles gestures to one of the far shelves and starts sidling in that direction, his eyes still on the couple.

Amy watches this for all of a second before pointing to a different shelf, “The salt’s over there.”

Charles stops. “It’s not with the rest of the food?”

Jake joins Charles in staring at her. He’s not an organizational wizard or anything but that seems like a large breach in practicality.  

Amy explains, “I had to move the spices to their own section when you brought in the last batch of supplies. There wasn’t any room left by the non-refrigerated food, so they ended up over by the soap and toothpaste. The category’s off, I really need to find some time to reorganize everything, especially before we start stocking up for the winter, but at least it’s alphabetical.”

At the end of her explanation, Charles nods in understanding and then asks, “What about extra cooking implements and appliances?”

“They’re all in the kitchen.”

“You mean we don’t have a pressure cooker?”

“If it’s not already in the kitchen, no.”

“I’m adding it to our next supply run.”  

“Do we need a pressure cooker?”

Charles stares at her. “Amy.” She stares back, unimpressed. “Come on, Amy.” 

Internally Jake screams because while normally he would be happy to join in, right now his nerves are bunched up and this delay is not helping and he knows Amy doesn’t stand down easy in general and Charles will keep at something if it’s related to food and he absolutely feels like he’s splitting at the seams keeping all the words inside. But he can’t exactly propose to her with Charles watching. It would make Charles’ day, but it might just kill him too and Jake can’t do that to Nikolaj.

“Okay, fine. We’ll add it to the list.”

Charles squeals and claps his hands. His delight is almost enough to make up for how long he stands by the spices looking through them. Once he has the salt and a few others Jake doesn’t recognize, he nods at them. “Okay, you lovebirds, I’ll leave you to it.”

Once Charles is gone and Jake is certain he isn’t by the door, he turns to Amy. “Didn’t think you would be the first to bend.”

“Well, it makes him happy so,” she shrugs and he beams at her, heart full, “We have to get our happiness where we can these days.”

Amy looks at him then and his heart flutters in his chest and he should definitely drop down on one knee right now except, except, except what if Charles comes in again? Or what if someone else comes in to fetch toilet paper while he’s proclaiming his love? Nothing ruins a romantic moment faster than toilet paper interruptions.

Her hands slide slowly up his chest and he’s pulled out from his swirling thoughts. She’s going for seductive, eyes half-closed and voice lower, and it is absolutely working to distract him. “So… where were we?”

“You were just about to say how irresistible I am.”  

She snorts and tugs him closer by the collar of his jacket. Her lips brush his. “That doesn’t sound right.”

“Well, it’s the truth.”

“Mhmm…” She kisses him slowly, as if they have all the time in the world. “Sure it’s not the other way around?”

“Oh, that’s true too.”

She laughs then and he joins in and even though he didn’t propose to her, he feels light.

\--

Jake tries three more times around the precinct. Cagney and Lacey rush over just as he’s about to drop to one knee looking for someone to play with them, Captain Holt walks in while they’re in the otherwise secluded interview room, and his own mom cuts in to ask if they’ve seen Gina as he’s listing off the things he loves about Amy in preparation for the big question. It’s impossible to find any moments alone and he’s starting to think that proposing to her in a supply closet might be the way to go when he comes up with a better idea.

Not that proposing in a cramped space with a mop digging into his back is a high bar to cross.

Jake finishes filling up the two wine glasses, smiling to himself as he places the bottle back. Wine is a precious commodity; while there are still plenty of bottles left, they’ll run out eventually. Add to that Holt’s insistence that everyone avoid drinking too much to keep their mental faculties in peak condition, well there aren’t a whole lot of chances for romantic drinks.

Right on cue, Amy is making her way over to him. Jake lifts the two glasses, he’ll meet her there, he’ll watch her over the rim of his glass as she drinks, so that he can catch the moment she figures out there’s something in her drink. Then he’ll get down on one knee and propose and –

“Don’t mind if I do.”

The glass of wine containing the ring disappears from Jake’s hand, taken by Hitchcock who tilts the glass back as he begins to drink. There’s a horrifying moment when Jake just freezes, can only watch the tilt of the glass, imagine the ring tumbling to its doom in Mordor. Worse than Mordor even – what if Hitchcock doesn’t notice and swallows it?

“Hitchcock!” Jake snaps into gear and yanks the glass back. Some wine sloshes over the rim but Jake thinks he hears the sound of something clink against the glass. “That’s not for you.”

“Rude. I thought we were best friends.”

Jake rolls his eyes at Hitchcock and turns to Amy. With a smile not even Hitchcock’s bumbling error can diminish, he presents the glass to her. “I got us wine, Ames. To toast our latest victory.”

Amy stares at the wine glass for just a moment and then turns that stare on him.

“No thanks. You know how Hitchcock backwashes.” Her face scrunches up in disgust and while normally he would find the expression adorable, he’s too busy scrambling at the pieces of his plan to register it now.

“What? He barely had any.” Her frown doesn’t go away. He tries again. “You can’t let it go to waste. That’s the number one rule. Waste nothing but zombies.”  

“That’s not how the rule goes – “

At the same time, Hitchcock says, “I’ll finish it,” and reaches for the glass.

The next moment, Jake is downing the entire glass, mind blank save for the white fuzz of panic. The ring hits his tongue and he tucks it into his cheek. The hard ridges of the diamonds bite into soft flesh but he tries to ignore the sensation and focus instead on Amy and Hitchcock. They’re both staring at him. He tries for a smile, ends up with a grimace.

“If you wanted to kiss me so bad, Peralta, you should have said something.”

“I don’t want to kiss you!” Jake says. Hitchcock shakes his head a little, he’s looking at Jake with pity, actual pity! from Hitchcock!, and heads off. Jake raises his voice, shouting because this is not what he wanted at all, he was trying to be a hero, his hand was forced and he didn’t think and now Hitchcock is retreating and he can’t let him go with this final word, “I don’t want to kiss you!”

Hitchcock shows no sign of having heard but several curious eyes look their direction. Jake wants to crawl into a hole. Preferably one under a rock.  

He looks back at Amy who merely shakes her head. Her lips are twitching with barely restrained amusement.

“You always said I was the girl version of Hitchcock.”

“Amy!” He whines because it’s not fair that she’s using his jokes against him in his moment of weakness. Her smile only widens and then she’s openly laughing. It goes on for a bit and some of his annoyance, aimed primarily at Hitchcock for ruining his scheme but also at the general situation, fades. “I’m glad you’re so amused.”

“You could have just poured me another glass.” Amy points out as she plucks the remaining wine glass from Jake’s hand. He lets her take it, slides his tongue along the smooth back of the ring as she sips at it.

“Uh, yeah. I’m just going to…” He trails off, unsure of what to say.

“Wash your mouth out?”

“Exactly.”

\--

It’s going to be perfect.

There’s a park next to the street corner he’s taking her to and while the lawn has become a tangle of overgrown grass and weeds, the trees are beautiful in their russets and oranges. The sky is clear, with the sun currently at its zenith. Best of all, Jake scouted the area yesterday so he knows there aren’t any zombies or corpses to ruin the mood. It’s perfect.

He takes Amy there under the guise of a scavenging mission, because leisurely walks are a thing of the past. She remains alert the entire time, her head constantly turning, her eyes lingering on shady alleyways before darting away. He knows this because instead of paying attention to his surroundings like he should be, all his focus is directed on her and the ring burning a hole in his pocket.

“Ames.” He says softly once they reach the spot.  

“See something?” She swivels around to face him. Her gaze meets his for just a moment and then it’s gone to other corners.

“No. I just need to ask you something.” He knows the outline of what he wants to say and he practiced the motions in the bathroom at the precinct, dropping down to one knee and popping the box in one fluid movement over and over again. He can do this. The problem is that while she’s paying attention to him, she’s still not really looking at him, too focused on the potential dangers around them. Which, granted, is probably smart but not the way he wants to propose to her.

Jake steps closer to her and takes her hands. Amy’s gaze lands on him, softens. His heart thuds in his chest. This is it.

He opens his mouth, gets ready to lay down his love, when her head snaps to the right.

“You hear that?”

“I didn’t – “ Before he can finish the sentence, he hears the telltale shuffling of a zombie. Damn.

They reach for their guns. He doesn’t have time to count them, just notes that the number is a lot and that they’re coming from all sides and then he’s shooting. Amy steps past him so they’re back-to-back, close enough that he can still feel her warmth behind him, a wall of safety and reassurance.

He fires and fires and tries to keep his breathing even and his mind blank despite the frenzy of activity. There’s no time for witty quips, he’ll come up with something for the last zombie, something that will make Amy laugh or roll his eyes, but right now, it’s just aim, fire, aim, fire, try not to let them get to him, aim, fire. Out of bullets, time to reload, it’s a good thing they always carry spare ammo. He’s jamming the new cartridge in when it happens.

A zombie barrels into Jake’s side, sending them both to the ground and his gun just out of reach. His nose fills with its fetid odor, his field of view narrowing to the zombie’s gnashing teeth and the spittle flying out of its mouth. Jake’s arms are out, holding back the zombie but it’s pushing back, leaning closer to where it can take a bite and it’s really not fair that zombies are so strong, it’s not like they work out, this one was probably an accountant before, except he really doesn’t like thinking about the people from before, oh boy, its teeth really are too close, he can see stains and the hints of decay and a bit of flesh wedged beneath two of them, gross – 

“Jake!” Amy’s shout is followed by the boom of her gun and the zombie’s head explodes, spraying him with blood and brains. More shots follow, targeted elsewhere, and he shoves off the dead weight in his hurry to rejoin her.

They finish off the remaining zombies in no time and then stand in silence for a moment, looking over the area for any other threats. No more appear though and Jake redirects his gaze to Amy. She’s beautiful, she always is, but right now, she’s focused and sweaty with fierce eyes and the sun shines on her like she’s some avenging goddess and it’s doing all sorts of things to his heart.

She turns to him, the ferocity and determination giving way to concern, eyes shining with fear, and rushes to his side.

“Are you okay?” Her hands cradle his face and her eyes are still checking him over and he knows she’s trying to identify if the blood is his or the zombie’s or both.  

“I’m okay, I’m good.”

“I’m okay too.” 

“Thanks for the save.”

And this is definitely not a perfect moment, with the smell of blood and rotting flesh fresh in their noses, with the spatter of blood across Amy’s face, not to mention the blood crusting his entire front – but his heart is pounding in his chest and he knows that it’ll burst if he doesn’t do this right now. His hand drops to his pocket.

Oh no.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, his mind trips flat on its face and his hand flutters to the other side, as if he could have just spontaneously forgotten which pocket he was carrying it in.

“We should get back to the precinct before more zombies show up.” Amy isn’t looking at him now, she’s peering around the area, which is good because she absolutely would have noticed the sheer panic forming on his face.

“We can’t!”

Amy looks sharply at him, alarm fluttering on her face, and he realizes what she’s thinking, fearing, because he feels it every time she gets knocked down in a fight, every time any of them gets knocked down.

“It’s not that. I wasn’t bitten.”

She exhales. Her hand reaches out and clutches at his arm, fingers curling into the leather of his jacket, like an anchor.

“Okay then. What’s wrong then?”

“I just… uh… lost something. You should go though! I’ll stay here and look for it.”

Amy frowns. “Jake. You know the first rule is –”

“Sticking together, I know.” Internally he curses every single zombie here for their involvement in losing the ring and ruining the perfect proposal. “Guess we should go then.”

“ _Or_ I can help you look for it. What did you lose?” 

Jake’s mind stutters to a stop because proposing to her after a fight with zombies while covered in blood was definitely not the perfect moment to propose, but proposing to her when he’s missing the ring is even worse.     

“Uhhhh, you know what? It’s not important. Not worth the risk at all. We should go! Right now!” He’ll have to find another way to circle back sometime.

Amy stares at him. He holds her gaze and it’s a sign of how important this is that he doesn’t crumble under the infamous Santiago stare.

“Fine, let’s go.”            

\--

“Rosa.” Jake hisses, careful to keep his voice down so no one else overhears. Especially Amy. Or Charles; as much as Jake trusts Charles with everything, he can’t be certain that Charles would be able to contain his excitement over this news. “Rosa. I need help.”

Rosa’s brow lifts but she steps over to him. “What?”

She’s doing nothing to stay quiet. Jake casts a quick glance around the room but fortunately Amy isn’t in the room and Charles is on the other side with Nikolaj and one of the other kids. It should be fine.

“Okay so,” he takes a deep breath because this is the first time he’s telling anyone about his plans and it’s exciting and terrifying and his head is dizzy with the feelings, “I’m going to propose to Amy.”

His face breaks into a wide smile when he says those words because it’s _real_. It’s been real since he saw the ring in the store, before then too, it’s been there since he first fell in love with her, but there’s something about saying the words to another person that gives them a different kind of weight.

There’s the ghost of a smile on Rosa’s face too and she punches his arm in affection. “Dope. What do you need help with?”

“We got attacked by zombies when I was about to propose and I lost the ring.”

“Can’t you get a new one?”

“No, that one was perfect.”

“It’s a ring.”

“It was perfect.” Jake repeats. Rosa stares at him and once he may have been intimidated by it, but not now. Not right now. Okay, maybe a little, but not enough for him to entirely drop his attempts to locate the ring. He’ll never beat her in a stare-down though; Jake is pretty sure Rosa can just stop blinking at will when she needs to. “Please.” 

“Fine, I’ll help. Where’d you lose it?”

\--

Jake and Rosa set out the next morning. He would have preferred to return the previous day, but Rosa had talked him down from trying anything so close to sunset. For the best really, he couldn’t propose to Amy if anything happened. They reach the spot around nine and begin searching through the bodies and debris.

“Why were you even here?”

“I told you, I was going to propose to her.”

“Out here?”

Jake doesn’t blame Rosa for her skepticism. The smell from the bodies is even worse today and flies hang around the corpses, buzzing up into angry clouds whenever one of them gets too close. “It was a lot nicer before the zombies attacked.”

“You could have done it at the precinct.”

“I tried. A lot. But it’s hard to find a good moment alone.” He pauses to take a deep breath before flipping over a zombie with its head blown apart. He thinks it may have been the one to tackle him but he isn’t sure, it could have been the one over there instead. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

Rosa stops. Jake keeps moving, searching the ground for the ring, but once he realizes that there are no sounds coming from her, he raises from his crouched position to look at her. “Rosa?”

“We’re in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, Jake. If you wait for the perfect moment, you’re never going to propose to her.”

Jake sighs. “It’s just – the world is a giant mess. There are more zombies than people left and we’re constantly in danger of dying or running out of supplies. Is it too much to ask for just this thing to be perfect?”

“Yes.” 

His shoulders drop. He stares down at his feet and at the remains of a zombie that may have killed him yesterday if Amy wasn’t faster with her gun. He just wanted everything to work out perfectly, to give Amy the proposal she deserved, something beautiful, but now he’s lost the ring, he’s endangered their lives, he’s messed up.

“Jake.”

“I’m sorry.”

He catches Rosa rolling her eyes. “You don’t have to try so hard to make it perfect. She’s going to be happy however you do it.”

Jake stares at Rosa. She stares back. A beat passes between them and then he shakes his head. “You’re right.”

She snorts, mutters something that may be vaguely insulting but also fond, really he’s too excited to care. A grin breaks out on his face because he’s going to do it, he’s going to propose to Amy, it doesn’t matter if he finds the perfect spot or the perfect lighting or whatever, it just matters that he says the words and –

His eyes catch on something square and dark on the ground a foot away. He reaches down and picks up the box and his pulse speeds up at the sight of it. He cracks open the box and the ring is there, nested in velvet. For a moment, he forgets about Rosa and zombies and even the smell around them. All he can think about is this ring on Amy’s finger, her smile matching his as he slips it on. Then he remembers there’s a world around him right now, with zombies lurking streets and Rosa waiting for him to say something.

Jake waves the box at her, unable to push down the exuberant smile on his face. “I found it!”

Rosa smiles – she’ll swear she didn’t later, when he’s teasing her for being a sap, but she’ll be lying – and walks over to him. “Good. Now let’s get out of here.”

Most of the walk back, they’re silent, keeping an eye out for zombies and picking their way past abandoned cars. The air is just the slightest bit chilly, with a breeze that stings at his exposed skin, and the leaves have started to change color and it’s almost hopeful and almost devastating how so much of nature keeps marching on like there wasn’t a world-changing apocalypse.

As they near the precinct, Jake glances over at Rosa. “You know what you said about proposing to Amy, it was really sweet.” Rosa grunts and he grins, nudges her with his elbow. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”

“Shut up.”

He dances back a few steps before she can nudge him back, harder if the look in her eyes says anything.

“Thanks, Rosa. For the words and for coming out here to help me look.”

Rosa nods. He’s known her long enough to know it means you’re welcome, that she’ll always have his back.

“Just ask her before you lose it again.”

“I will.” 

\--

Jake doesn’t ask Amy right away. He would have, heads directly to her upon returning to the precinct in fact – but she’s busy planning an excursion to the closest pharmacy to get medicine with Captain Holt and Charles and Jake can’t really intrude on that. He does, however, agree to go along with them.

The supply run is supposed to be simple. They bring eight people along, safety in numbers and they’ll need more hands to carry everything back anyway. The location’s been scouted and declared clear already, but things rarely go smoothly, especially these days.

Zombies ambush them inside the pharmacy and while they manage to kill them all, Charles ends up with several crescent-shaped scratches on his neck from where a zombie grabbed him and everyone is covered in gore from fighting in such close quarters and the stench of the pharmacy is unbelievably rancid after.

They work quickly to fill duffle bags with pill bottles, bandages, anything else that may come in useful. At the precinct, they’re greeted with cheers and exultations. Amy joins Sabiya to go over the best place to store the extra medicine, Charles is whisked off to the infirmary, and Jake accepts the offered washcloth so he can at least wipe down his face and hands while waiting for the showers.

He’s just finished recounting the story to Diego and Scully and Hitchcock when he spots Amy heading up the stairs to the roof. He waits a moment, excuses himself, and hurries after her.

He steps out on the roof and she turns halfway to him. Her silhouette against the cityscape takes his breath away. She’s still got dried blood across her front and her hair is a bit tangled coming out of her otherwise perfect bun and she is absolutely stunning.  

“Hey.” He calls out. “What are you doing out here?”

“I wanted some fresh air.”

He nods and for a moment, he follows her gaze out to the city. New York was never a quiet city before, there was always _something_ going on, but now it’s completely still, save for a few pigeons preening on a neighboring building. Most of the time, it’s unsettling, a reminder of everything that’s changed, but right now, with the setting sun painting the sky in vibrant pinks and purples, Amy beside him, and the streets far enough below that he can’t smell the stink, it feels transcendent.

It’s just the two of them above a silent city, zombies haven’t developed wall-climbing abilities to interrupt them, and Amy is beautiful whether or not she’s got zombie blood on her. He’s not going to get a better chance than this.

“Amy?”

She must hear something in his voice because she turns to face him fully. He looks into her deep brown eyes and feels everything inside him settle. Oh, he’s definitely still nervous, body thrumming with electricity, but it’s Amy. It’ll be okay.

“I know we’re both covered in zombie blood right now and this definitely isn’t the perfect moment, but I don’t think there are any of those left. Just all the moments in-between zombies shuffling into your space. Um, moving right along, let’s not kill the mood thinking about the zombie apocalypse.” Jake pauses, long enough to take in her confused expression and catch his breath and slow down, he’s not going to rush this, he’s not.

He drops down to one knee and her eyes widen in knowing and he says, “Ames, you’re the most amazing person I know. You’re smart and funny and beautiful and really good at kicking zombie ass. Seriously, El Wray’s got nothing on you.” She laughs. His heart skips a beat. “You’re my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Amy Santiago, will you marry me?”

“…Jake.” Her voice is choked up and her eyes are shining and damn, maybe he’s screwed this up, he didn’t want her to  _cry_. They do enough of that as is. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Jake says quickly, even though it’ll hurt if she refuses. “I get it, we can’t have a perfectly planned wedding with doilies and there’s no legal basis for marriage anyway, but I love you and I want to be your husband and - “

She reaches down for his hands and he lets her pull him up, rising smoothly to stand in front of a beaming Amy Santiago, eyes still glinting with tears. “Yes, Jake, of course I want to marry you. I love you so much.”

Just as his mouth widens into the world’s largest smile (and this is objective fact, because how could anyone be happier than Jake at this moment) and before he can say the words back, Amy seals her lips to his. All the restless energy that’s built up in him since he found the ring lights up, burns like a bonfire, effervescent and luminous and all-encompassing, a bright beacon against the darkening world. She’s his safe haven, his paradise, his everything, and as her fingers curl against his cheeks and in his hair, he knows the reverse is true too. 

Once they pull apart, he sneaks a second quicker kiss and then removes the ring to slip it on her finger. He doesn’t release her hand after, just holds it gently so they can see the ring glinting in the light. His heart lodges itself in his throat. He’s never going to get tired of seeing it.

“Any moment would have been perfect.”

“You’re so cheesy.” The words come out a little shakier than he means them to and there are tears pricking at his eyes because the thing is, she’s not wrong.

It is perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to @startofamoment who sent me this message when I told her about this fic way back in the summer: bonus points if the ring gets lost in an attack at some point and he has to go back or stay behind to find it. Thank you for the idea! 
> 
> If you want to talk about this zombie au or b99 or jake/amy or really anything else, my tumblr is [proofthatihaveaheart](http://proofthatihaveaheart.tumblr.com/).


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